i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
