i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This baby is an asshole
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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