Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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