i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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