Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
