eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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