It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
