beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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