just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
