I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
