We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
