I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
