The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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