Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
