Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
