how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
