You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
