I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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