When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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