I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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