I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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