I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
