His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
