My cat gives me a boner
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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