We won't sleep together?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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