guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
