i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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