I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
