It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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