hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this is an emotional support booty call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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