Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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