whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
