Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
