Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
