I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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