He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
