Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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