Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
