I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
