i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
