I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please come you make the beer taste better
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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