Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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