She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
