Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
