...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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