The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
