i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
