Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she looked like the before picture.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
