he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
