WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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