Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
