I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
